The Many Adventures of Pein and Such
by IceCrome
Summary: Even the Akatsuki doesn't know Blue's real name. But Pein is determined to find out. [ONESHOT, Mild PeinxBlue, Implied Sex]


**Ice: Aaaakatsuki tiiiiiime….or whatever it's called here in the good 'ol Glory Land.**

**I miss Deidara. If anyone but me mentions his name, I will cry. For a solid hour.**

**So don't say his name.**

**Oh, and I also lurve Blue. The only female Character in the Akatsuki. She's cool.**

**Anyway, disclaimer.**

**Everything © original owner. **

**P.S. KEEP IN MIND I have not seen the episode where they show the Akatsuki's lair-thingy. I mean, if they ever did. Hell, I stopped watching the show in April. Oh, and I'm making it so not all of the characters are dead yet. LIKE DEIDARA IS STILL ALIVE! OMFGSTFUBBQVCRY2K.**

**Parings: PeinxBlue Sort of. Implied Sex-ish. **

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The sun shined on the dewy lilac bushes in front of the Akatsuki lair. Birds chirped, and flowers sprouted in the wake of the early Sunday morning. Pein took in a big breath of air as he went out to get the Sunday paper.

_-Insert more poetic crap here-_

Pein stretched his arms out, and yawned, the smell of wet flowers entering his nostrils. His legs were getting cold, as he was only in his tighty-whiteies.

"Hi Frank." He waved to their neighbor, Franklin Danglebeck the III.

"OH GOD, YOU'RE THOSE PEOPLE WHO KILL PEOPLE! GERTRUDE, GET INSIDE THE HOUSE!" He ran in, and locked the door.

"Nice to see you too, jerk." Pein grumbled profanities as he walked into the house of Akatsuki-ans. As he went into his room, he changed into his awesome cloak, and was greeted by his only female friend.

"Good morning Pein." His female partner greeted him.

"Hello there…um……..Blue." Honestly, Pein got so hammered last night he barely remembered his own name. 'Blue' murmmered annoyed.

"You know damn well what my name is."

"……..Samantha?" He guessed. Seriously, he couldn't remember. She tightened her fist.

"I'll see you later." She walked away angrily to go swim in their super awesome pool, even though it was only nine o' clock. Pein walked in to Tobi cooking their morning meal, with the apron: **'KISS ME, I'M STILL ALIVE DAMMIT, AND I'M OBITO AND KISHIMOTO _BETTER_ MAKE ME OBITO OR A LOT OF PEOPLE WILL BE REALLY, REALLY PISSED.' **Everyone was seated at a dark wood table.The only person he couldn't spot was Zetsu. Probably off eating some dog. His partner was off in the other room, so he was safe to ask:

"Hey, anyone know what um…'Blue's' real name is?" They all looked at each other.

"I'ono. I just know that she's the only one with a nice ass." Pein twitched.

"_No_, Hidan, I mean her real name." He shrugged.

"Samantha?"

"That's what _I_ said. Apparently it's wrong." Hidan looked over to Kakuzu.

"Uh………-."

"Do _not_ say Samantha." Pein said.

"Well god dammit…Maybe…Ashley?" Pein smacked his forehead, and slowly brought his hand down.

"No, we are a _Japanese_ manga. Meaning, Samantha and Ashley are all out of the picture. All American names, technically. So anyone else know?" They were silent.

"Oh come _on_! One of you _had_ to have asked sometime!"

"…"

"Yes Itachi?"

"Can you tape 'Lost' for me?" Pein was going to hurt something.

"NO ITACHI, TAPE IT YOUR GODDAMN SELF!" He flinched. Itachi never flinched. But, a screaming leader said otherwise. Sure, he could fight back, but he'd get stuck with garbage duty for a year. And he could barely see two feet in front of him, so he'd end up running into a big pile of garbage.

"Yeah, can you tape it, yeah?" Deidara perked up.

"Deidara…you just got dish duty for two months." Pein stated, as the young artist looked appalled.

"B-But, my mouths! They can't produce bombs when exposed to dishwater, yeah!"

"Well that's just too damn bad! Wear rubber gloves, or something!"

"…Have you just thought about asking?" Sasori said quietly.

"Well…uhm…shut up!" Pein was getting immature now. He had to find a way to figure it out without her knowing. He could go and search her room. But, she'd PMS on him and kick his ass. Even though he was leader-technically, don't read the chapter where he reports to Tobi, or I will hurt you-a woman was still strong. She had boobs, meaning she was a force to be reckoned with. He went into her room anyway. It was full of Hello kitty merchandise.

No, I'm kidding.

He looked into a regular room with a blood red blanket covering her queen sized bed, a dark brown armoire, a dresser, nightstand, closet, and a dirty ornate rug underneath her bed.

"Okay, I'm smart here. Should I look through her stuff, invading her personal space, and go slightly more insane by not knowing her name, _or_ do I invade her privacy?" He thought to himself.

"….Yeah, invading privacy sounds more evil." He looked through her stuff, trying to find _something_ with her name on it. Even through her underwear.

(Un)Fortunately, he came upon a small pink think, with a covering in the front, but just string in the back.

"What the deuce?" He stretched it out, but put it back into her stuff. She had NOTHING with her name on it.

"Well god dammit…" Pein was getting angry now. And he knew Sunday afternoons were her sunbathing days.

And uh…she was the only female in the Akatsuki. And she wore a two piece bikini.

"Um……." He actually could 'risk' seeing her.

As I quote 'risk' as a bit of innuendo.

"I SHALL ASK HER!" He pointed his finger in the air.

* * *

"What was that?" Sasori asked when he heard some weird statement from another room. Tobi shrugged. 

"I dunno. Anyway, they shot at this guy like fifteen times because they thought he had a grenade. He was eating a pear! How do you fuck that up?" Sasori giggled.

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"Hey! Hey!" Pein waved his arms and shouted to get the attention of 'Blue'. She turned over on her mat, and lowered her purple sunglasses.

"What is it, sir?" He sweated nervously. She was wearing a small blue bikini. He smiled nervously.

"Um…what's your real name? I'm sorry, I just got-."

"I know, I know. Hammered." She put a hand on her pearly hip.

"How do you know?"

"I was the waitress you were hitting on." He looked surprised.

"So I…"

"Yes." She took out the twenty dollar bill from her hair, "Anyway, why do want to know my real name?"

"I dunno. It's been bugging the hell out of me."

"My real name is Samantha." He stomped on the ground.

"Sonofabitch!" She smirked.

"I'm _kidding_. But you can know that I saw you looking through my stuff today," She walked around him, "if you want to see where that pretty pink thing goes, I suggest you stop by my room tonight. About nine-ish." She grabbed his collar as she went inside the house, and he stumbled behind her until she let him go. Pein stood their in thought and confuse...ment…

"Did she just flirt with me?" He thought for a moment.

"Holy hell, she just flirted with me!" He raced inside.

* * *

_Eight Hours Later…_

"Zetsu, Zetsu!" Tobi raced to Zetsu, who was jammin' to 'Video Killed the Radio Star', and sitting in their fancy red chair. He took the earplugs out of his ears.

"What is it? Is there a dog around here?" Tobi backed away slightly.

"No…I heard this racket coming from Blue's room. Do you know what it is?" Zetsu shook his head.

"Nope, no clue." Tobi snuck off to Blue's room, and looked through the keyhole.

* * *

"Now Pein, the safety word is 'Orange'."

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**Ice: PeinxBlue. My new favorite couple! –Squeal-. **

**Okay, okay. Back into sarcastic funny mode.**

**Anyway, Depending on when you read this, school starts in…….um…twelve days. So, I won't be able to make a lot of stories when/after school starts. So keep in check with my stories, and PhoenixClaw, update your damn story!**

**So, R&R, flame for all I care.**


End file.
